I Left My Heart in San Francisco
by CupOfAngst
Summary: "No, don't hang up! Wait, please!" He waited with baited breath for the koala to answer, knowing that he'd likely never see or hear from him again if he didn't keep him on the phone just a little longer. "Nom Nom?"
1. It's Complicated

**Title:** I Left My Heart in San Francisco  
 **Summary:** "No, don't hang up! Wait, please!" He waited with baited breath for the koala to answer, knowing that he'd likely never see or hear from him again if he didn't keep him on the phone just a little longer. "Nom Nom?"  
 **Rating:** K+ (for sensitive topics)  
 **Disclaimer:** "We Bare Bears" and all its characters are property of Daniel Chong and Cartoon Network. I make no profit from these writings.

* * *

 **Part I -** It's Complicated

"Panda, can I borrow your phone?"

Panda glanced up sharply, his nose just inches from the glowing screen of his cellphone. He eyed his older sibling as he anxiously wrung his paws, his eyes pleading with him. "Why?" he asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. While he had promised to be more considerate about letting his brothers use his phone, it was still hard for him to not be overprotective of his most prized possession.

"Please?" the grizzly pleaded, his eyes full of worry. Panda's face softened as he let out a sigh, finally realizing what his brother intended to do.

"Grizz…I think it's time you called it quits, don't you?" he said as gently as he could. "Look, you've tried, okay? You tried reaching out to him, but he doesn't want to be contacted. Last time you tried to call him, it went straight to voicemail."

Grizz began pacing the living room. "I just don't get it, though. It's like he dropped off the face of the earth. I just want to know _why._ Why did he quit his job? Why did he disappear? Why would a guy who loved being in the spotlight suddenly want to just _vanish_?" Grizz paused for a moment, appearing thoughtful. "Do you think I should contact his agent? He's gotta know where he's at, right? _Someone_ has to! I'm sure he told someone where he was going!"

"Grizz, just leave it alone. Nom Nom's obviously going through something and he's trying to deal with it in his own way."

"But he's going through it all alone!"

Panda finally put his phone down, giving his elder sibling his full attention. "Maybe that's what he wants," he replied seriously. "Maybe he _needs_ to be alone right now. People handle things in their own way, Grizz. Sometimes you just gotta step back and let them sort it out themselves."

Grizz appeared close to tears. He knew Panda's point was worth considering, but it just wasn't in his nature to stand back and do nothing when something was wrong. "But…I just want to know that's he's okay. I mean, he never texted back or anything!"

Panda sighed again. "I know you're worried, Grizz, but it's been two weeks. It's time you moved on. Nom Nom knows you're trying to contact him, but he's not ready to respond, and you calling him five times a day is clearly stressing him out, hence why he turned his phone off. You've done all you can do, Grizz. He knows he can turn to you if he needs to, but right now he clearly needs space."

His shoulders slumping in defeat, Grizz shifted his gaze over to Ice Bear, who had been quietly knitting a sweater, not giving much attention to their discussion.

"What do _you_ think I should do?"

Ice Bear finally looked up, glancing at Panda briefly before looking back to Grizz. "Ice Bear thinks Nom Nom needs to be alone."

He had expected that answer, but that didn't stop his frustration. His nose crinkling in agitation, Grizz turned and stormed out of the living room, throwing his arms in the air as he went. "Fine!" he snapped as he made his way to his bedroom and slammed the door. Fighting off frustrated tears, he shuffled his way over to the bed and collapsed onto the messy sheets, cookie crumbs bouncing off the mattress. Though he knew Panda was right, it was still incredibly difficult for him to leave the situation alone. Even if every phone call he made was never answered, he still felt like he was doing something. He couldn't stand just sitting around and waiting.

Not knowing what was going on was what drove him mad. Honestly, would it really kill the koala to just send a quick text message, letting him know that he was okay and where he was? Did he not realize how much it was hurting the bear to just leave him wondering? Did he still not realize that he wasn't just another fan? Sure, his fans had been disappointed when it was announced that his videos would be discontinued, but it didn't take them long before they had moved on to the next big internet sensation that could hold their attention for more than five minutes. But Grizz could care less about that. He didn't care if Nom Nom ever posted another video ever again. He just wanted to know that he was physically and mentally okay! Could he not see that? Could he not at least make contact with him to relieve his worries? If he would just do that for him, then Grizz would give him all the space he needed.

Rolling over on to his left side, Grizz thought he might try to take a nap in order to get some relief from his constant worry, but just as he felt himself beginning to doze off, he heard a soft knock at the door. "What?" he answered, his voice somewhat muffled against the pillow. As the door slowly opened, Grizz lifted his head from his pillow to see Panda peeking into the room.

"Hey, man. Listen…I don't want you to think we're being insensitive about this," he said as he eased his way into the bedroom, being cautious of the mess on the floor. "Look, I'd like to know what's going on, too, but I also know what it's like to want to be alone and not bother other people with my problems."

The grizzly immediately straightened up upon hearing this. "But I don't want you to ever feel that way, Pan-Pan! I want you to come to me if you're having a problem!"

"Grizz, you need to understand that being alone isn't always a bad thing. It's fine to want people to know that you're there for them, but if they want you to give them space, you should respect it." Panda sat down on the edge of the bed, holding up his phone for Grizz to see. "But look…if calling him again will make you feel better, then go ahead."

Grizz stared down at the phone for a moment before slowly reaching out to take it. "Why bother?" he mumbled as he stared at his own reflection on the smudged black screen. "He's probably sick of hearing from me." He turned his head to face his brother again. "I just want to know that he's okay! Is that so much to ask?!"

As the grizzly finally broke down, Panda quickly scooted closer to him and wrapped him in a comforting hug. "No, it's not too much to ask, but you know how Nom Nom is. He's never been that considerate of other people's feelings. He's the center of his own universe." Panda rubbed Grizz's back soothingly, giving him a few gentle pats. "I'm sure he's fine, Grizz. He just needs time to sort out whatever it is he's dealing with."

Withdrawing himself from his brother's embrace, Grizz sniffled loudly, wiping his nose with the back of his paw. "Yeah," he murmured. "Maybe I'll just try calling him one more time, though."

Panda shrugged as he pushed himself off the bed. "If it'll make you feel better."

Once Grizz had his privacy again, he fell back onto the bed, holding Panda's phone just above his face. He searched through the contacts until he found Nom Nom's number, and then he hesitated. He knew he likely wouldn't get through to the koala, but he just couldn't leave it alone.

He tapped the number on the screen and held his breath as he placed the phone against his ear. There was a two second pause before he heard the sound of Nom Nom's recorded voice prompting him to leave a voicemail.

"Hey, Nom Nom, it's me again," he spoke softly. "Uh…listen, I know you're probably sick of hearing from me, but…" He sighed, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just…I'm just worried about you, that's all. I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but…I guess it's really not my business. I won't call anymore after this, but I just wanted to tell you that I hope you're okay…and that maybe when you're feeling up to it, give me a call? You can call me any time, day or night. Whenever you're ready." He sighed again. "Okay…bye."

Grizz ended the call and placed the phone down on the bed, feeling very unsatisfied. As Panda had said, he had done all he could. Nom Nom would have to make the next move, and he wasn't entirely convinced he'd ever hear from him. _He thinks I'm annoying, anyway, so why would he bother?_ the bear thought to himself. He rolled over onto his stomach, hugging his pillow tightly as he waited with one last shred of hope that maybe the koala would finally respond, but he never even received so much as a text.

ooooooo

 _Four days later…_

It was several minutes after Ice Bear had rang the dinner bell when Grizz finally migrated into the kitchen. Panda had already taken his place at the table and had just started eating his meal, while Ice Bear had waited patiently for the grizzly before tucking in to his own. The two younger bears looked up at him as he took his place at the dinner table, troubled by his look of dejection. There was no sense in asking what was wrong, as they both knew the answer, but it was still troubling to see. He had been like this for the past few days.

Grizz spent the majority of his time just staring at his plate. The meal was one of his favorites: chicken strips and seasoned french fries, but he had no desire to eat so much as a bite. After spending several minutes poking and prodding the cooling food, he pushed the plate away with a sigh and rested his arms on the table. "Sorry, bro," he said, knowing Ice Bear was eyeing him. "I don't have much of an appetite tonight."

Frowning, Panda glanced at Ice Bear before looking back to the melancholy grizzly. "Look…Grizz…"

Panda's sentence was immediately interrupted as his phone started ringing, causing all three bears to perk up with mild curiosity. He scooped the phone up and glanced at the screen, his eyes widening slightly.

"Dude, it's Nom Nom," he said as he turned the phone towards Grizz to show the koala's name on the screen.

New life ignited within the older bear, and he quickly shot up from his chair, nearly knocking it to the floor. He snatched the phone from a somewhat startled Panda and raced out of the kitchen to avoid the awkward stares of his brothers. He struggled to answer the phone, nearly dropping it in his excitement. "Hello?" he answered rather loudly. "Nom Nom?"

 _"Hey,"_ a calm voice answered on the other end. Just hearing the koala's voice sent a wave of relief through him, and he let out a deep sigh, weeks of worry finally dissolving away.

"Nom Nom, what's going on? Are you okay? Where are you?"

 _"I'm fine,"_ the koala replied with moderate annoyance. _"I'm in San Diego. Geez, why were you in such a panic?"_

Anger quickly replaced his initial relief and he almost pulled the phone away from his ear to glare at it. "Oh, gee, I don't know! Maybe because you quit your job and just vanished without warning! Was it really too much to ask that you pick up your phone and answer my calls?! I just wanted to know that you were okay!"

There was a short pause before Grizz heard Nom Nom snicker and reply, _"Did we get married or something?"_

"This isn't funny! I've been sitting here for weeks worrying about you and wishing I could help you, and you couldn't even be bothered to send a text message or anything! Can you not be selfish for just five minutes?!" the bear shouted without a second thought.

 _"SHUT UP!"_

Grizz flinched slightly, the outburst stunning him into silence. A few moments later, he heard an exasperated sigh through the phone, followed by incoherent mumbling. His shoulders slumped as he immediately regretted the outburst. "I…I'm sorry. I was…I just-"

 _"Look, this whole thing is complicated right now. I just needed some time alone to think,"_ Nom Nom interrupted him, his tone calmer but still tinged with annoyance. _"I couldn't do it anymore."_ He sounded so tired.

Grizz hesitated a moment before answering, letting the koala's words sink in. "What's wrong?" he asked, his tone soft with concern and completely devoid of any anger.

The question was momentarily met with silence. Grizz had started to suspect that their connection might have been lost until he heard Nom Nom's voice reply very quietly, _"I can't really answer that. Like I said, it's complicated. I just needed to get away and clear my head. I don't know..."_

Grizz's relief began to fade, and worry slowly started creeping back into the pit of his stomach. He made his way over to the sofa and sat down, slumping against the cushions as he tried to think of something meaningful to say, anything to give the koala some sort of peace of mind. "Nom Nom…whatever's going on….you don't have to do this by yourself. If you're having some kind of crisis right now, I can help you." Hearing another aggravated sigh, he thought the koala was about ready to hang up on him. "Please, I just want to help," he begged.

 _"You can't."_

Those two simple words cut through him like a knife, and he felt his eyes welling with tears.

 _"Look, I'm sorry I didn't call, but you don't need to worry. I can take care of myself. I gotta go."_

Eyes widening, Grizz rose up from the sofa, shouting into the phone, "No, don't hang up! Wait, please!"He waited with baited breath for the koala to answer, knowing that he'd likely never see or hear from him again if he didn't keep him on the phone just a little longer. "Nom Nom?"

 _"What is it?"_

The bear sighed as his eyes slid shut, his body dropping back down to the sofa again. He let out a quiet sob, but he managed to keep himself from breaking down just long enough to say what he needed to say. "Look….I know you and me are very different. I know you're not really into having friends, but…I just want you to know that someone _does_ care about what you're going through. Even if I can't solve your problem, I'll help however I can, even if it's just to listen. I'll go all the way to San Diego for you, it doesn't matter to me. _Please,_ Nom Nom."

There was a long, agonizing pause, followed by a defeated sigh.

ooooooo

The bus ride was long and tiring, and if it hadn't been for the new cellphone Grizz had taken the liberty of purchasing that morning in case of an emergency, he probably would have been bored out of his mind. He spent a good majority of the bus ride sending text messages to Panda, assuring him that everything was going well, while munching on some of the snacks Ice Bear had generously packed for him. He made a few attempts to sleep throughout the trip, but they had all failed miserably. A plane ride would have been much quicker, but they had all been a bit short on funds. It was only a minor inconvenience to the grizzly bear, though. How he got there wasn't important, as long as he got there.

By the time the bus made its final stop in San Diego, the light outside had already started to fade, and the once blue sky was slowly transitioning to a soft purple. It wouldn't be long until it would be completely dark, and Grizz wasn't too keen on wandering around a city he wasn't familiar with after dark. Thankfully, he was able to hail a cab not long after stepping off the bus. Once he had provided the name of the hotel Nom Nom was staying at to the driver, Grizz sat back and simply enjoyed the various sights of the city until he arrived at his destination, which took about ten minutes.

After arriving at the hotel, Grizz paid his cab fare and quickly pulled out his phone to shoot off a quick text to Nom Nom, letting him know that he was on his way into the hotel. Anxiety began to mount as he tried to imagine how their meeting would pan out. All he could think about was the possibility that it would be a disaster, and he'd end up saying something to upset the koala. It certainly didn't take much to set him off. He knew he had to handle this situation delicately, especially considering he didn't fully understand what was going on, and Nom Nom was clearly reluctant about opening up to him about it.

Once he was inside the hotel, Grizz quickly found the elevator. He took a deep, calming breath as he entered through the doors and mashed the button for the third floor. As he stared at his hazy reflection in the elevator doors, he contemplated what it was he wanted to say to Nom Nom once he saw him, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to difficult situations like this, and he could only imagine he'd make a mess of things, despite his best efforts.

As the the elevator came to a shuddering halt and the doors parted after a moment's pause, he felt a swelling sense of dread in his gut. _Get it together, Grizzly. You came all this way! Don't chicken out now._

Grizz made his way down the long, carpeted hall, scanning the numbers on the doors as he passed them. He had just passed Nom Nom's room when he happened to glance back and catch the number on the door. He swallowed the lump in his throat and went to knock on the door, but he hesitated, his paw beginning to shake as he stared at the dark red door. _Dude, get a grip already!_ Ignoring his concerns, he finally knocked on the door, holding his breath as he waited for Nom Nom to answer. After a few seconds of complete silence, he heard what sounded like something sliding across the carpet, followed by the sound of a deadbolt being unlocked. The door slowly creaked open, and Nom Nom peeked at him through the small gap.

"Hey," Grizz greeted him with a small smile.

"Hey." Nom Nom didn't bother to return the smile as he pushed the door open to grant the bear access into the room. He stepped down from the box he had been standing on and returned to the main living area of the hotel room, leaving Grizz standing awkwardly out in the hallway.

"Um…how're you doing?" the bear asked him as he stepped into the room and closed the door.

"Great," was Nom Nom's short, curt answer. "I still can't believe you came all this way."

"I said I would, didn't I? And even if you hadn't agreed to let me see you, I probably still would have taken a bus here and searched the whole city for you."

Nom Nom gave the bear a perplexed look but was silent as he climbed up onto the bed and settled himself against the ruffled pillows. He crossed his arms and stared back at his guest, who was now standing anxiously in the middle of the room.

Grizz knew he was going to have to take the lead, but he was still struggling to figure out how he wanted to start the conversation. It was clear from looking at Nom Nom's uncomfortable demeanor that he still didn't want him to be there. It was a miracle he had even agreed to let him come.

"So…what've you been up to?" the bear finally asked, figuring it'd be best to start the conversation on a more casual note to hopefully ease the koala's tensions.

Nom Nom shrugged. "Nothing much. Sleeping a lot, eating junk, trying to figure out if my life has any sort of purpose," he replied nonchalantly as he observed one of his claws. Noticing Grizz looked somewhat alarmed by his words, Nom Nom rolled his eyes and quickly reassured him. "Relax, dummy. I'm not gonna _kill_ myself if that's what you're thinking, geez. I'm just in one of those kinda funks, and I'm trying to deal with it."

Grizz finally moved from the spot he had been standing in for the last twenty seconds and walked across the room to have a seat on the edge of the bed, leaving a sizable gap between himself and Nom Nom. He slipped his backpack from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor beside the bed. "Well…I mean…what is it that's bothering you? Why did you leave your job?"

The koala rolled his eyes again. "Look, I already told you, it's complicated! I don't know… I just wasn't getting much enjoyment out of my job anymore. The whole thing was just becoming a chore. There was no joy, no passion…nothing. I felt like I was on autopilot half the time."

"Okay…so you're just burnt out then," Grizz stated confidently.

"That'd be the short answer, yes," Nom Nom sighed.

"Hey, that happens to a lot of people! Maybe if you just went out and tried new things, you'd-"

"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay?!" the koala snapped without warning, catching the bear off guard. "I''ve had about enough of people telling me what to do!"

Startled, Grizz held up his paws defensively. "Woah, dude, take it easy. I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. It was just a suggestion, that's all. I was only trying to help."

Nom Nom looked stunned for a moment, and then suddenly glanced downward, appearing embarrassed by his own outburst. "Sorry," he mumbled, keeping his gaze lowered. "It's just…there's so much I was having to do all the time. I didn't just shoot a video and then go home. There were a lot of other things I had to do, like cons and stuff, and I was always having to either make a call or _answer_ a call about some scheduled event or something…and then it got to the point where even the videos were becoming too much. I mean, I used to release one video a week, but competition has gotten crazy fierce in the last few months. My manager pressured me into releasing three videos every week to keep competition by the wayside. I know it might not seem like much since they're such short videos, but a lot of work goes into making them. You just don't see it." Nom Nom paused and rubbed his eyes. "And…it was like I didn't have a say in anything. If I had a disagreement about something, my manager would always have a fit and wouldn't shut up until I gave in to his demands. I just felt like the walls were closing in around me."

"So….is that what this is? You felt like you didn't have control over your own life anymore?" Grizz asked.

Nom Nom was quiet for a moment as he gave it some thought. "Maybe…I guess," he muttered softly. "I guess I just felt like…like my life wasn't my own anymore." He turned his head to avoid the bear's gaze and stared at the wall. "You wanna know what I did the first night I stayed in this hotel? I slept. I slept all day and all night. I slept a full eighteen hours. I can't remember the last time I slept that long. Before I quit my job, I was sleeping maybe six hours a night on average. Something as simple as just sleeping felt so…freeing. But…I mean…it's not like I didn't enjoy the attention," he added with a shrug. "It does a lot for your self-esteem, but nothing will kill it faster than being made to feel like a wind up toy all the time."

"It just sounds to me like the pressure became too much. You didn't have much of a life anymore."

"I still don't," Nom Nom replied disdainfully. "I'm stuck holed up in this hotel all the time. I can't even go anywhere without people recognizing me and asking me a bunch of questions. I can't hide, no matter where I go."

"So why did you come to San Diego? Why not just stay in San Francisco?"

Nom Nom's expression seemed to soften a bit. "Because my roots are here. I was _born_ here."

Grizz raised his brows curiously. "Really?"

"Yeah…at the San Diego Zoo. I had thought maybe I'd go back to visit it, maybe see if my old caretaker was still there, but…like I said, I can't leave this hotel without someone harassing me." The koala went quiet for a moment as a thought occurred to him, and he suddenly chuckled. "Honestly, if I went back to that zoo as a visitor, they'd probably think I was an escaped zoo animal and try to catch me."

The bear giggled as he tried to visualize such a scenario. "So how did you get from there to where you are now? Or…where you were before you quit?" he corrected himself.

"My caretaker used to take videos of me on her phone. She had posted one of them online, which sorta went viral. It actually helped bring in a lot of visitors. And well…the whole thing just sorta grew and gained me a lot more attention than she was probably expecting. If you go online, you can probably find some of those old video clips of me under a different channel. The original ones were deleted but other people have uploaded them. Anyway…it catapulted me into stardom. I went from being just a cute zoo attraction to an internet star, signing autographs and appearing on talk shows and at conventions."

Grizz couldn't help frowning as he watched Nom Nom's expression darken.

"Sounds great, right?" he continued, giving a low chuckle. "What more could anyone ask for?" He finally looked up and locked his gaze with the bear's. "But I _didn't_ ask for it," he hissed. "I didn't ask for _any_ of it! I couldn't speak for myself! I was just a kid!" The koala grit his teeth as angry tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. He slumped forward slightly, reaching his paws up to his head and clutching at his fur. He could vaguely make out a blurry paw reaching towards him, and he stifled an agitated growl, pulling further away from the bear. "No…Just don't. Don't touch me," he murmured, shaking his head excessively.

"Nom…"

Nom Nom continued shaking his head as he scooted as far away from the bear as possible, moving to the other side of the bed. "No…No…"

"Nom Nom, it's okay," Grizz reassured softly.

The koala turned his back to him completely. "You wanna know the worst thing about all this? Despite everything this job has robbed from me…I couldn't fathom the idea of losing it. I mean, there were things I enjoyed about my job, sure, but…what really made me afraid of losing it was the fact that it was all I've ever known. I was yanked from my cushy zoo life before I had even reached adulthood and was thrown in front of a bunch of bright lights and cameras, and it's all I've ever done since. What else am I supposed to do with my life?! And now I'm sitting here, already regretting what I've done and _hating_ myself for regretting it, but I just don't know what else to do! I don't! There's no clear path in all this! It was like choosing between a road that was visible but littered with debris, and a road that was dark and unfamiliar."

Fed up with being kept at a distance, Grizz abruptly stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed where Nom Nom was situated and sat down beside him. He hesitated a moment before placing a paw to his back, not wanting to make physical contact until he was certain the koala wasn't going to pull away from him again. He watched with mild surprise and deep sympathy as Nom Nom turned towards him and leaned in to bury his face in his fur. The bear did not hesitate as he reached up and gently stroked the top of his head.

"Listen…don't think of it as a dark and unfamiliar road. Just think of it as going through a dark tunnel. It might seem scary right now, but there's a light at the end of it, and you'll get there. I know that sounds kinda cheesy, but…" Grizz smiled down at the koala as he saw him glance up at him. "Trust me….it'll all work out."

"Always the optimist," Nom Nom mumbled as he broke eye contact to stare solemnly at the floor.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Grizz replied softly as he gave the smaller animal a reassuring squeeze.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Okay, so this story has been in the works for quite a long time. One day, I just suddenly thought of this scenario where Nom Nom just ups and disappears and Grizz starts panicking and tries to contact him. I hadn't even thought about how I really wanted to write the story, I just immediately started typing the first scene of this story and the story started piecing itself together as I went along. I knew kinda early on that it was going to be sort of an emotional ride, as it always is. But finishing this story has been a bit of a challenge since I just recently got a full time job, which I've been working for the past two weeks, and so writing has slowed to a crawl.

Originally, this story wasn't supposed to go any further than here. It was just sort of meant to hang there like that, but I started thinking of ways to expand it. The title of this story was originally going to be "It's Complicated" but as I started thinking of expanding it, I figured it needed a different title…and I couldn't think of anything else, so my apologies XD And as I was writing that last scene between Nom Nom and Grizz, I started thinking about that scene in Panda's Sneeze that always stood out to me and really made me think there was more to NN's character than was being shown. For those who might not remember, it was during the scene when Panda and Nom Nom appeared on the talk show:

Panda: This whole thing just keeps getting worse and worse!

Nom Nom: You get used to it.

I don't know…I just felt like there was something to that, and even TV Tropes caught on to it. It's just the _way_ he says it. You can see there's clear animosity there, and it's always led me to believe that maybe he was sort of forced into fame and he just sort of got used to it and accepted it. I'm hoping we'll learn more about his character later on in the show. But this was sort of my overemotional take on it lol. Anyway…I haven't finished part 2, and I can't say for certain when it'll be done, so please don't expect an update within the next week, because it won't be happening. I'm not even certain I WILL finish it, but I'm at least going to try.


	2. Need

**Part II** \- Need

It was still fairly early when Grizz had finally woken up the next morning. He had told his brothers he'd be back home the next day, but he was hesitant to leave the koala alone again after seeing just how vulnerable he was upon arriving. Nom Nom had seemed better after their talk, but he could tell he was still thinking too much about everything they had discussed, especially when he was trying to sleep. Grizz remembered feeling the koala tossing and turning beside him all night. It was all he could do to keep from reaching out to hold him, but the koala's emotions were like a hairpin trigger. It was hard to know when he'd welcome the touch and when he'd push him away instead.

By the time Grizz was ready to leave, he looked over to see that Nom Nom had barely moved an inch from his spot on the bed. He had turned the TV on at one point, but after about five minutes he shut if off again and resorted to just staring out the window as though he was deep in thought, his back facing the bear.

"You know…I can call my bros and tell them I'm staying an extra day," Grizz commented as he grabbed his backpack and slipped it over his shoulders. "I mean, I don't mind hanging here with you." He appeared hopeful as the koala looked his way. "We can do something fun!"

Nom Nom shook his head, much to the bear's disappointment. "No…I've kinda got some things in mind to do today."

"Oh. Well…okay. Just remember everything I said, okay? It'll all work out in the end. Try not to worry about it too much, and if you're feeling bad about it, just call me. I'll listen."

Nom Nom nodded hesitantly as he shifted around awkwardly, barely making eye contact with the bear. "I've actually been doing some thinking," he said after a moment's pause. "I think I know what I want to do now."

Grizz's eyes lit up with curiosity as his mouth stretched into a smile. "Really?"

The koala finally slid down from the bed. "Yeah…I was actually already considering this before you got here, but I just wasn't sure. At first I kinda thought it was dumb." Nom Nom finally looked up at him, straightening his posture as a look of confidence fell upon his face. "You kinda gave me the encouragement I needed," he admitted, which only caused the bear's smile to grow.

"That's great!" he replied. "What is it?"

"Well…I think I want to go back to the zoo. Not to visit, but to actually live there."

Grizz's enthusiastic smile quickly faded and his mouth fell open in a stunned gape. "W-What? The zoo?"

"Well, _yeah_ ," Nom Nom replied, shrugging. "I mean, it's where I was born. The way I look at it, it'll kinda be like my old job, only much less involved, you know? I just sit around and act cute all day while people come by to see me. I'll have people taking care of me, but I won't have to worry about schedules and events, or little kids trying to pet me. It's all the perks of my last job without the hassle. It'll be easy!"

"But…But, Nom Nom, it's a _zoo!_ You're giving up your freedom! Why would you want to live in a cage the rest of your life?!"

The koala rolled his eyes. "I'm not giving up my freedom, and it's hardly the same as living in a cage! I'll have plenty of food and shelter and space to move around, and people to take care of me! It might not be fancy living, but so what? I'll happily trade living in a mansion for a stress free lifestyle."

"Okay, but…what else are you supposed to do in there? You can't do anything fun anymore! You can't go to the movies, or go shopping, or even go online! How is that _not_ giving up your freedom? Is that really the kind of dull life you want?! Dude, think about everything you're giving up here! You're not like other koalas! You've lived a human lifestyle for too long! It's going to be total culture shock when you get in there and realize there's nothing else to do all day except eat and sleep. I mean, eating and sleeping are pretty awesome, don't get me wrong. I'm a pro when it comes to those things, but I like doing other stuff, too! C'mon, man!"

His shoulders slumping, Nom Nom looked down at his feet as he let out a dejected sigh. "This is what I wanna do, Grizz. Why can't you just accept it? It's my life, after all."

"Because I don't think you've really thought this through as well as you think you have. I just don't want you to make a horrible mistake!"

Nom Nom glanced up at him sharply, his eyes narrowing as he began to seethe with anger. "And what makes you think you have any say in what I choose to do? What gives you the right?! It's _my_ life! Get it? Mine!"

Grizz softened his expression. "Look, I'm not telling you how to live your life! I just don't want you to do something you might regret! Please just think about this first."

The koala turned away, clenching his fists. "Get out."

Grizz stared at the back of his head, his heart sinking into his stomach. "Nom Nom, I was just…" He noticed the koala make his way towards the waste bin by the small dresser and reach in to grab a hold of something. Eyes widening, Grizz lifted his arm and shielded his face from the empty eucalyptus pop bottle being flung at his head with extraordinary aim.

"I said get _out!_ Get out of this hotel room and get out of my life!" the smaller animal screamed. "I should have never agreed to let you come here! I'm sick of people running my life for me! I'm not about to let you do it, too!"

"Nom Nom, I wasn't-"

"GET _OOOUUT!_ "

He turned away from the bear, trembling slightly and breathing heavily as he tried to overcome his sudden bout of rage. For a moment he thought he might start crying again, and he blinked his eyes rapidly in an attempt to keep any welling tears at bay. No, he wasn't going to show his weakness ever again in front of that bear. He didn't care if he _was_ making a mistake. It was _his_ mistake to make, and he wasn't about to let another person make another decision for him. This was what he wanted to do. It was the only thing he _could_ do, and he couldn't let Grizz get inside his head and convince him otherwise.

The awkward silence carried on for several seconds before Grizz finally managed to muster up the strength to give a response.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Nom Nom."

The koala stalled his shaky breathing, his body tensing up more than it already had.

"You're right," Grizz continued with a sigh. "This is your life, not mine, and I have no right to tell you how to live it. You can't live your life a certain way to make others happy. That's the problem that brought you here in the first place." The bear scratched the back of his head nervously. "I guess I just don't want you to do it because….well, because I'll miss you. I mean, you'll be _here_ and you won't be making videos anymore, so…I won't get to see you, and well…I can't stand the thought of that."

Nom Nom winced as he thought he heard a crack in Grizz's voice near the end.

"I guess I could come to visit you, but…I don't know, it wouldn't be much of a visit with you sitting on the other side of a fence where I can't even interact with you. It just wouldn't feel right."

Nom Nom's shoulders slumped as his gaze shifted to the floor. He almost turned around, but the fear of what he'd see if he looked the bear in the eye prevented him from doing so.

"I guess _I'm_ being the selfish one now."

The heavy guilt in his tone was unbearable, and it finally shattered the koala's resolve. He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tightly as tears slowly streamed down his cheeks. Damn him.

"I came here to support you, and even if I don't really want you to do this, I can't tell you not to," Grizz continued as he took a step closer to the koala and knelt down on one knee. "I can't really call myself your friend if I can't respect your choices." The bear reached out a paw and placed it to Nom Nom's shoulder, gently turning him so that they were face to face again. Grizz's smile faltered slightly as he noticed Nom Nom's tear-stained cheeks. "Just promise me that…if it doesn't work out, you'll call me, okay?" he added as he reached up to wipe the other's face with his paw. "Seriously, our cave is always open."

Nom Nom nodded hesitantly, unable to look the bear in the eye.

Forcing a pained smile, Grizz leaned down and wrapped his arms around the tiny marsupial and pulled him close. "I hope everything works out for you. Take care of yourself, okay?" he managed to squeak as he fought back his own tears.

"Y-Yeah. Sure. Uh…you, too."

"So when were you planning on going?" Grizz asked as he pulled away, maintaing that forced smile.

"Today," Nom Nom muttered quickly, glancing at his feet. "Probably after the zoo opens."

The smile finally faded, and the bear looked distraught once again. "Wow, that soon, huh?" He noticed the koala nod slowly, keeping his gaze lowered. "Well…good luck, I guess."

Straightening up, Grizz quickly turned and headed for the door, certain he was going to have an emotional break down any moment, and he did not want Nom Nom to witness it. He was almost out the door when he paused and looked back at the smaller animal, who had slowly shuffled behind him to see him out.

"Uh…" His thoughts trailed off as he watched Nom Nom glance up at him curiously. The grizzly clamped his mouth shut and just stared at him for several agonizingly long seconds, knowing it'd be the last he ever saw of him. He had expected Nom Nom to get aggravated with him and snap at him for staring so long, but he simply stared back at him, his expression tinged with uncertainty. He almost _wanted_ the marsupial to get angry with him.

"Bye, Nom Nom," he finally said after an awkward pause and turned to leave, never giving Nom Nom an opportunity to respond, as he knew he was going to lose it any second.

Nom Nom stepped into the open doorway and watched as the bear departed down the hall with quick strides. He had almost considered yelling for him to come back, but what would he tell him if he did? What was he supposed to say? There was nothing more to be said on the matter, as his mind was made up. _He'll move on. Give it enough time, and he'll get past this. I'm sure he'll forget about me after a few weeks._

The koala continued staring almost regretfully at the bear's retreating form until he finally rounded the corner, likely never to be seen again. "Bye," he whispered as he stepped back into the room and shut the door, feeling incredibly unsatisfied and even more unsure of himself than he had before Grizz had come to see him. He turned and leaned his back against the door before slowly sliding to the floor with a heavy sigh, his gaze shifting to the ceiling. _I'm doing the right thing._

ooooooo

By the time Grizz had rounded the corner and came upon the elevators, he could already feel his tears soaking into the fur of his cheeks. He sniffled loudly as he slammed his paw against the elevator button, while wiping at his eyes with the other. _Was that it? Was that all you could say to him? You realize you're never going to see him again, right?_ The bear was unable to stifle a choked sob as he pressed his head against the wall, shoulders shaking slightly. _Suck it up, Grizzly! This is what he wants to do. You should be happy for him!_

The elevator doors rattled as they finally parted, and Grizz staggered inside, still sobbing quietly. He leaned against the wall and stared up into the yellowish overhead light, managing a few calming breaths. _You gotta let him go. He knows what he's doing. You wanted him to be happy, right? Stop being so selfish!_

Grizz tried to avoid the curious gaze of a man as he stepped out of the elevator and rushed towards the doors. Once he was outside, he made his way around the building to the designated smoking area and had a seat on one of the benches to collect himself. By this point, his eyes were finally starting to dry and he had managed to calm down somewhat. He took a few moments to get himself calm again before pulling his cellphone from his backpack and making a quick call to Panda.

 _"Hey, Grizz!"_ his little brother greeted cheerfully. _"How's it going?"_

 _"_ Uh…good. Everything's good. I'll probably be leaving pretty soon," Grizz replied with as much cheerfulness as he could muster, which wasn't much.

 _"Did everything go okay with Nom Nom?"_

The grizzly hesitated a moment. "Y-Yeah, everything went great."

Grizz knew he didn't sound the least bit convincing, and the brief pause that followed after his response indicated to him that Panda had already sensed something was wrong.

 _"Grizz, what's the matter? You don't sound good."_

"No, I'm fine, Pan-Pan!"

 _"No, you're not, Grizz. What happened?"_ his younger sibling pressed, a tinge of anger in his tone. _"What did that jerk say to you?"_

Grizz knew he couldn't blame Panda for being suspicious, but his accusatory tone still struck a nerve, and he was quick to defend the koala. "He didn't say anything! He…well…I mean, he did, but…it's not like that, okay? Don't call him that."

 _"Well, then what's wrong? What did he say?"_

"He…" Grizz sighed heavily, running a paw over the top of his head. "Look, I'll tell you guys about it when I get home, okay? I don't really wanna talk about it right now. I'm gonna grab something to eat…and then I'll be on my way. I'll see you guys soon."

 _"All right,"_ Panda responded with a bit of hesitation, the concern in his tone still present. _"Send a text when you get into town, 'kay?"_

"You bet. Bye, Pan-Pan."

Grizz tossed his phone back inside his backpack before pushing himself off the rickety bench and making his way off the hotel property.

ooooooo

Grizz was the last one to stagger onto the idling bus. Letting his paws glide across the tops of the seats, he made his way down the narrow aisle towards the very back of the bus, where very few people were residing. He slid his backpack off his shoulders and tossed it onto the seat before plopping down, pressing himself close to the window. After about five minutes or so, the bus gave a shudder before finally pulling out of the bus station and making its way onto the highway. The bear sighed heavily as he slumped against the seat and watched as the trees and buildings rushed by in a blur. The further the bus traveled, the sicker he felt. _Why didn't you just try to convince him to come back with you? You're never going to see him again!_

The bear sighed again, though it was very shaky. _No, c'cmon, don't start crying again._ Knowing he desperately needed a distraction, Grizz pulled out his phone and opened a game he had downloaded prior to the trip. He played the game with little enthusiasm, unable to focus long enough to even get to the second level. He found his thoughts quickly drifting away from the game and back to Nom Nom. Despite gazing intently at the screen of his phone, the koala's face was all he could see. Even after his character had been killed off for the umpteenth time and the game returned to the main menu screen, Grizz did not so much as move a paw. Every 'what if' scenario played and replayed itself over and over again in his mind, though one drove him absolutely mad: could he have said even one thing that could have changed the outcome of the situation? Would Nom Nom be sitting beside him on this bus right now if their conversation had played out differently?

 _It's not like I could make him happy. I'd just get on his nerves, like I always do._

Grizz finally tore his eyes away from the screen of his phone and rested his head back against the seat. He almost felt as if he was stuck in one of those cliche romance movies Panda loved to watch so much, and right now he was living out the overused trope where one or both love interests go their separate ways, one of them usually getting on a plane or some other form of public transportation and leaving town, only for one of them to realize they're in love with the other and scramble to reunite with them once again and confess their feelings. He almost laughed at the thought. After all, it wasn't as though he was actually in love with….

 _Oh…Oh no._

Grizz suddenly felt an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach, and his heart started beating frantically.

No, it was absurd. There was just no way. Almost every encounter he had ever had with Nom Nom had been a negative one. How could someone as mean-spirited and selfish as him possibly win his heart? Sure, he cared about him and wanted to help him, but...

 _He's…not all bad. Yeah, he's selfish, but…he's been hurt, and now he's really confused about life. He just doesn't understand a lot of things. He's never really had anyone be there for him. I feel like we probably have a lot in common. He may act like he doesn't want anyone around, but he needs someone! He needs…_

"Me," the bear whispered quietly to himself. "He needs _me_ …and I need him. We need each other."

There was no sense in trying to _make_ sense of it. He loved him, and that was that.

His feelings finally realized, Grizz snatched his backpack and shot up from his seat, making his way to the front of the bus. "Hey, stop the bus! I need to get off!"

The bus driver glanced into the rearview mirror, arching a brow as he watched the bear bound up the aisle behind him. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry, but I need to get off! I uh…I forgot something important."

The driver shrugged as he slowed the bus to a stop and cranked the doors open. "All right, but I won't be waiting around for you to get back. You'll just have to catch another bus."

"That's cool! Thanks!"

Grizz jumped down from the bus and immediately started running with newfound determination, hoping he wasn't already too late.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** First, I just want to apologize for taking so long to update this. As I mentioned, working a full time job really slows me down and sort of sucks out any desire I have to write.

So there will in fact be a part 3. I realized this chapter was going to get ridiculously long if I tried squeezing everything in here, and since it's been so long since I first posted this story, I felt like this was a better option. Had I kept it as a two parter, there's no telling how much longer it would have been before I finally updated.


	3. Holly

**Part III** \- Holly

The only thing the bear knew to do at that particular moment was to run, but after about five minutes or so, he finally came to the realization that he had no idea where to go. He could only assume that Nom Nom had probably left the hotel by this point and was now on his way to the zoo, or at least he'd already be gone by the time he got there. The issue for Grizz was that he didn't have the foggiest idea where the zoo was located, or how long it'd take him to get there.

 _C'mon, Grizz, think! Think! Oh…duh,_ he thought as he immediately reached inside his backpack to fish out his new phone. "Please don't be far….Please don't be far…." he mumbled as he looked up the zoo's location on Googs Map. He grunted in frustration when he saw the little red bubble mark the zoo's location. By car, he knew it wouldn't take too long, but on foot there was just no telling, and time was precious.

Seeing a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye, Grizz looked up from his phone to see a lone cab cruising past him. He reached back inside his backpack and grabbed for his wallet, biting his lip when he saw how low on cash he was. Noticing another cab heading his way, he pushed those qualms aside and quickly started waving his arm to grab the driver's attention. The taxi slowed to a stop as it pulled up along the sidewalk and Grizz quickly threw himself inside.

"Where to?"

"San Diego Zoo."

The driver only nodded as he merged back onto the street. As the bear casually monitored the cab fare meter, he started mulling over exactly what he was going to say to Nom Nom once he saw him. _It's not that hard! Just tell him how you feel! Tell him you love him! Simple as that!_ Of course the more he thought about it, the more he realized it _wasn't_ that simple. It wasn't as though Nom Nom's feelings were mutual, and what if he responded with revulsion? The thought that Nom Nom could get angry and reject him was enough to give him pause, and it even made him wonder if what he was doing could be considered manipulative.

Noticing the cab fare meter was ticking dangerously close to his cash limit, he promptly urged the driver to pull over and let him out, just one mile short of reaching his destination.

"Sorry, I'm just really short on cash," he told the somewhat confused cab driver as he slipped a bill out of his wallet. "Keep the change!" he added as he shoved the money into the driver's hand before quickly making his exit from the car. With his phone as his guide, he continued his journey on foot.

 _You need to do this!_ he mentally told himself. _You need to tell him how you feel. He needs to know!_

The bear turned a corner, nearly colliding with a young couple. After muttering a quick apology he took to sprinting again.

 _But why does he need to know?_ a doubtful voice inquired. _It's not like he feels the same way, so why bother? His emotions are running pretty high right now as it is. This is only going to make things worse. Telling someone you love them is a big deal, dude, and you're doing it for the wrong reasons!_

Grizz slowed to a stop, placing a paw against the side of a building as he tried to catch his breath.

 _No! No, there's never a wrong reason to tell someone you love them!_

 _There is if you're just trying to keep him from going back to that zoo. You're just trying to get inside his head and confuse him!_

Grizz covered his eyes with his paw as he felt the sting of tears. _No, but….I really do love him._

 _Then you need to let him go._

As he wiped away the wetness from his eyes, Grizz turned and pressed his back into the wall of the building, exhaling slowly. He lifted his phone and stared at the little red dot that indicated the zoo's location, biting his lip. He was already so close. Should he really turn back when he had already come this far?

Looking up, he noticed a man approaching, his gaze lowered and hands shoved in his pockets. Grizz quickly pushed himself off the wall and placed himself directly in the man's path, placing his paws on his shoulders to stop him from going any further. "Hey, man, I need your help for a second!" he stated urgently. "I'm in a crisis here and I need someone's opinion!"

"W-What?" the man stuttered, looking alarmed.

"Listen….if you were in love with someone and you thought you'd never see them again, would you tell them how you felt?"

"Look, pal, you're asking the wrong guy," the man muttered irritably as he tried to sidestep the bear.

"Please, I'm desperate here!" Grizz begged as he blocked his path again. "Should I tell him or not? Just give me an honest answer!"

Sighing, the man reached into his pants pocket and fished something out. "Here," he said as he held it out and placed it in the bear's paw. "Flip for it."

Grizz just stared at the quarter in his paw. "You…You want me to leave this to a coin toss?"

"Yep," the man replied as he clapped Grizz on the back and sidestepped him, adding, "Good luck, buddy."

Closing his eyes, the bear sighed. "Sure, why not? Heads, I tell him. Tails, I don't," he said as he tossed the coin into the air. He shot his paw out to catch it before it hit the ground and placed it down on the back of his other paw, keeping it covered for a moment as he mentally prepared himself for whatever decision he had decided to leave to chance. He was going to accept it, no matter what the outcome.

Very slowly, Grizz lifted his paw, and his breath hitched in his throat.

"Heads," he whispered, exhaling. "Okay…I tell 'im."

ooooooo

Grizz dashed across the parking lot and made his way towards the main entrance of the zoo, his anxiety growing. He spared a quick glance at the large elephant topiary before settling his gaze on the ticket booths just ahead of him. He broke into a sprint and rushed for the one booth that didn't currently have a line of visitors. "Excuse me!" he called to the woman manning the ticket box. "Excuse me, I…I need…your help," he gasped as he rested one paw against the glass and another to his chest. "I…Just give me a sec."

"Sir, are you all right? Do you need some water?"

"N-No, I'm all right. I just…I ran all the way here. And…before…you ask, no I didn't escape from the zoo! I'm just here as a visitor!" The bear took a few more ravaged breaths before straightening up to give the clearly confused woman his full attention. "Sorry…I'm just….I'm looking for someone who might be here. He's a koala."

The woman's face brightened slightly. "Oh! Well, we have quite a few koalas at the Australian Outback exhibit! We even have a new joey that was born just two months ago!"

Grizz shook his head quickly. "No, no! I'm not just looking for any koala! His name's Nom Nom! Have you ever heard of him?"

"Oh…the internet star, right? Didn't he quit making videos?"

"Yeah, he said he was coming here!" Grizz replied urgently. "Is he already here?!"

"Wait, did you just say Nom Nom?" a new voice interjected from behind, forcing Grizz to whip his head around. "He just came through here about ten minutes ago."

The bear's eyes bulged. "Wait, really?! Did you see what direction he went when he went in?"

The man pursed his lips, shaking his head. "Nah, I wasn't really paying attention. I just saw him go into the zoo. He probably didn't get too far," he replied before continuing on his way, leaving Grizz with the faintest glimmer of hope. Maybe he could still stop him.

"Where's your koala exhibit?" he asked as he whirled back around to face the woman in the ticket box.

"Um…just follow the Koalafornia signs. It's not far."

"Great! Thanks!" Grizz exclaimed happily as he turned and made a dash inside.

"OH, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY….admission," the woman finished with a sigh as she saw the bear had already vanished from sight.

ooooooo

There were various roadsigns along the zoo's branching paths, all of them pointing to the different exhibits that dotted the zoo's landscape. The Koalafornia sign seemed to stand out like a bright, shiny beacon, and the bear quickened his pace along the concrete path, his heart fluttering with excitement, as well as dread. His doubts still lingered in the back of his mind, trying to convince him that he was making a mistake. Maybe he _was_ selfish, but at this point he just didn't care. He couldn't stand the thought of spending the rest of his life wondering what might have been. Even Nom Nom rejecting him could not compare to that kind of agony.

A tall pillar came in to view, and atop that pillar stood a life-like sculpture of a koala. Though the letters were printed sideways along the pillar, Grizz could still read them easily: _Australian Outback._

Just off to the left of the pillar stood various, colorful aboriginal-style totem poles, and there, standing right underneath them, was Nom Nom.

Seeing the koala prompted Grizz to stop dead in his tracks and his brain to suddenly short-circuit. At that moment he didn't know what to do. His opportunity couldn't have been more perfect, and yet he continued standing there, his mouth agape and eyes wide with panic. He even took a few steps back, as though preparing to turn and retreat any second. _What are you doing? He's right there! You can do this!_

Nom Nom currently had his back to him as he gazed up in mild fascination at the colorful totem poles, all while clutching a small shoulder bag, which Grizz assumed probably contained the few possessions he had decided to take with him after leaving his job. Tearing his attention away from the totem poles, he began pacing back and forth. It was almost as if he was waiting for someone.

 _Just go up to him and talk to him! You still have a chance!_

Grizz finally managed to will himself to take that first step forward, and then another, and then another. Finally, he was moving with quick strides, the distance between himself and the unaware Nom Nom closing. He started to open his mouth to call out to him, but he stopped himself when his gaze drifted beyond the koala and settled on a young woman approaching him from the other direction. Her beige shirt and shorts were easy to distinguish as a uniform, indicating she was more than likely a zookeeper.

Grizz slowed to a stop once again as he saw the woman rush over and scoop Nom Nom into her arms, pulling him into her chest and hugging him tightly. Nom Nom had no objection to this, and even returned the hug with equal enthusiasm. He had never seen the koala look so happy.

It only took a second for realization to finally set in. Grizz's expression softened into a look of understanding, remembering what Nom Nom had said about wanting to seek out his former caretaker. He smiled softly, his lip quivering as he finally understood the koala's decision.

"I hope you'll be happy."

After sparing the koala one last longing glance, he dipped his head and finally turned to leave.

ooooooo

The moment he laid eyes on her, his felt his heart skip a beat. He felt the urge to rush over to meet her, but he couldn't will his legs to move nor his voice to utter so much as a syllable. He knew seeing Holly again would have quite an emotional impact, but he hadn't imagined it'd be this intense.

"Nom Nom!" she called out happily as she reached down and picked him up., which the koala gladly welcomed. He felt like a joey again, his feelings of anxiety and uncertainty of his future suddenly dissolving away as he felt the woman's loving arms squeeze his small frame against her chest. He felt her nose press into the fur of his cheek as she kissed him repeatedly. "Look at you…all grown up," she said as she ceased her barrage of kisses to really look at him.

Nom Nom could see that she hadn't changed much since he had last seen her, aside from the fact that her dark brown hair had grown considerably and was now pulled back in a low ponytail. He could smell the familiar scent of lavender lotion on her skin, and he noticed she still had the little red rose tattoo on her neck, just beneath her ear. He didn't remember much of his zoo life, but he certainly remembered every little detail about her. Suddenly it didn't seem like it had been that long ago.

"I honestly didn't think I'd ever see you again."

Her voice suddenly shook the koala from his thoughts and he quickly took in her solemn expression. He winced and immediately averted his gaze in shame. "W-Well, I…I had always meant to see you sooner, but…I mean, my schedule…"

"It's okay, honey," Holly reassured. "I've been kinda busy myself."

Nom Nom turned his head slightly to gaze back up at the totem poles, prompting Holly to glance at them as well.

"They're pretty neat, aren't they? A lot's changed since you were last here. They've really expanded the koala exhibit! Wait till you see it!" Holly raised the koala up slightly, and he immediately took the cue and climbed onto her shoulder. Perching himself on someone's shoulder was nothing new, but sitting on Holly's shoulder gave him a familiar sense of comfort.

"So…how many koalas are living here now?"

"Quite a few. We've acquired a lot more since you left. They've certainly kept me busy, though I can still keep up with them. I could _never_ keep up with you."

Nom Nom smiled impishly. "Yeah, but I was too cute to stay mad at."

Holly rolled her eyes, though her smile never wavered.

"How've you been?" she asked after a short pause. Concern seemed to coat her words as she spoke them, and Nom Nom could only assume she was gradually moving the discussion to his former job, though she was being cautious about it.

"Uh…okay, I guess."

"Just okay?"

The koala heaved a sigh. "Look, I know you're dying to ask me about my job. I'm guessing you heard I quit."

Holly turned her head to look at him, her eyes meeting only the back of his head. "I did," she replied gently. "But we don't have to talk about it."

Nom Nom turned towards her again, debating with himself on whether or not he really wanted to discuss it. Fortunately, his thoughts drifted away from the topic when he set his eyes on the large, red-roofed building just up ahead of them, which stood out against every other form of architecture surrounding them. "What's that?"

"We call that the Queenslander House. It's where we care for the koalas and store all the different varieties of eucalyptus."

As they approached the attached deck that circled around the the large structure, Nom Nom shifted his gaze over to the left of the building, where he spotted multiple koalas lounging in the trees inside the enclosure. One he noticed was snoozing, while the others were leisurely plucking eucalyptus leaves from the various containers anchored to the trunks. It looked like the simplest life one could possibly live.

"Bring back memories?" Holly asked him.

"A little."

"It's still hard to believe it's been years. It doesn't feel like that long, honestly. It hasn't been the same not having you as my little shadow all day."

Nom Nom smiled weakly, feeling a painful lump forming in his throat.

"You know…I was glad when I heard you had quit that job," the woman began with a hint of hesitation in her voice. She wasn't sure how welcoming he would be to the discussion, but she felt like she had to say something on the matter. "You were never meant for that kind of life. I could _see_ how much it was hurting you. A low energy animal like yourself should have never been introduced to that kind of lifestyle."

Nom Nom immediately looked offended. "Low energy?" he scoffed, crossing his arms. "I am _not_ low energy! I've got plenty of energy!"

Holly chuckled as she tapped his nose with her finger, making him blush. "I don't mean that as an insult, goofy. Believe me, I _know_ you're not low energy. You had more energy than any other koala I've ever cared for. What I mean is that koalas _are_ naturally low energy animals. They spend a small amount of time eating, and then they spend the rest of the day sleeping. They certainly don't spend all their time making internet videos and appearing at conventions and signing autographs. As a matter of fact, how much sleep _did_ you get on average? That was always a big concern of mine."

Nom Nom bit his lip nervously. "Well…I'd say on a good night maybe….seven hours?"

A look of horror came to the woman's face, which he had feared.

"Oh my God, Nom Nom."

"No, it's fine! I never needed more than that, honest!"

"That's not even _half_ of what you should be getting! God, no wonder you looked so lifeless half the time!"

The koala hung his head slightly, looking away. He remembered how rejuvenating it felt to sleep for so long the first night he had stayed in the hotel, and he knew he couldn't argue with her point. He remembered feeling tired all the time, and it was only through the aid of expressos and lattes that he managed to summon the energy to do the things he needed to do. Finding the strength and stamina to keep going had only gotten more difficult with each passing year as his schedule became more and more demanding.

"I knew the whole thing had taken a turn for the worst when you had that meltdown on camera."

Nom Nom winced again, gulping. "You…saw that?"

Holly nodded, her expression becoming slightly more critical. "A co-worker showed it to me. I just couldn't believe it. You weren't _you_ anymore!"

Nom Nom flinched as though her words had physically hurt him. The disappointment in her tone made him feel sick to his stomach. If there was one person whose opinion of him he cared about, it was hers. She had been the most important person in his life, the only person he had ever loved, and to see her looking at him with shame and resentment sent his whole world crashing down around him.

"And…. _sharks? Pet_ sharks _?_ What in the _world?!_ What were you thinking?!"

"I don't have them anymore! And well, I….I just thought…they'd make me look cool!"

"So being cute wasn't enough, you had to look cool, too? Honestly, if you want a pet, maybe stick with something that's a little more suited for you, like a hamster or something."

The koala suddenly looked as though he was having a war flashback. "Uh…maybe not a hamster." He descended from Holly's shoulder and shifted to the teal-colored railing of the deck, dangling his legs over the side. He felt Holly's arm brush against him slightly as she rested her elbows on the rail and leaned forward.

"I should have never taken that video," the woman said after a brief silence. "Had I known what was going to happen….I never would have done it."

Nom Nom wasn't sure which was worse: Holly being angry with him, or being angry at herself for what he had become. He managed to blink back tears as he finally forced himself to ask the question that had been plaguing him since he had arrived: "Are you ashamed of me?"

Holly looked his way, noticing he wasn't looking at her. The question had been spoken softly, but she could still hear the self-loathing in his tone. She reached out a hand and gently trailed her finger over the curve of his ear. "I'm not happy with the way you've behaved, no, but I'm not ashamed of you."

"But you're still disappointed."

"Am I not supposed to be?"

Holly saw Nom Nom completely turn away from her, and she sighed.

"Honey….disappointment is an inevitability, because perfection is an impossibility. We go through life making mistakes, sometimes _big_ mistakes, and we end up disappointing the people we love. We don't mean to, but we do. That doesn't mean we ever stop loving someone because they screwed up. But I _am_ proud of you for having the courage to stand up for yourself and leave that job. I just wish you had never been put into that situation in the first place."

Nom Nom turned to her again. "So…why'd you let them take me?" The subtle anger in his tone was hard to miss and Holly resisted the urge to sigh again.

"It was out of my hands, Nom Nom. You didn't _belong_ to me. It wasn't a quick decision, that much I can say. Heck, we had to get clearance from Australia before we could agree to give up custody of you. They must have gone back and forth with each other for two weeks over the whole idea, and if we hadn't been offered twenty percent of the profits, we probably would have ultimately refused. I mean…the zoo needed the money."

"Of course," Nom Nom murmured disdainfully, looking towards the ground.

"And plus…we debated whether or not it was really ethical to keep an animal like you locked up in a zoo."

Nom Nom suddenly looked up again, appearing confused. "Like me?"

"Well, _yes._ Animals that can learn language and communicate with people aren't unheard of, but they're a rarity. I remember when you first started picking up certain words and phrases. I even started reading children's books to you to help you learn. We had just thought that maybe keeping you locked up in this zoo wasn't in your best interest, but obviously becoming a big internet celebrity wasn't in your best interest, either. As far as I'm concerned, you were much better off staying here."

The koala's expression suddenly brightened upon hearing that. "Well…everything can go back to the way it was now!"

Holly arched a brow as she turned to look at him. "What'd you mean?"

"Well, I mean I didn't just come here for a visit! I wanna live here again!"

Joy had been what Nom Nom had expected, but it was not what he was seeing in the woman's eyes. " _Live_ here?" she asked.

"Yeah! You know the story: guy quits his job, moves back in with Mom," Nom Nom replied with a laugh. Holly still did not express even the slightest iota of enthusiasm, which made his heart sink. "Why aren't you getting excited?"

"Nom Nom…you're not serious, are you?"

The koala furrowed his brows. "Why wouldn't I be serious? This is my home! I was born here, remember?"

"Well, yes, but you've spent very little of your life here. It's a big change from what you're used to."

"You just said my old lifestyle wasn't healthy and that I was better off staying here! So now you're saying living _here_ isn't healthy, either?! What even?!"

"Nom Nom, calm down. Look…you're not like other koalas…"

 _No…Not this again. That's exactly what he said._

"I just don't think you'd be happy here. The zoo life doesn't offer much for a unique animal like you. I'm afraid you wouldn't be able to…adapt." She sighed. "I really don't think it'd be a good idea. Not now. Not after all these years."

Nom Nom turned away again, clenching his jaw in anger. "Why don't you just say what you really think?" he hissed bitterly.

Holly recoiled slightly at his tone. "And what is it that I really think?" she inquired sternly, crossing her arms as she gave him a hardened look.

The koala spun around, gritting his teeth. "That you don't want me anymore!" he shouted as he pointed an accusing claw at her. "Admit it! You've probably got a new favorite now, don't you?! _Don't you_?!"

The woman was taken aback, looking hurt for a split second, but her expression switched to anger rather quickly. "Nom Nom, stop it! You _know_ that's not true! I can't believe you would even think something like that!" She could see him shaking now, and she knew he was on the verge of potentially having a breakdown. "Baby, please calm down. I want us to talk about this calmly. You're getting too worked up." She reached a hand out to him but he resisted the touch.

"NO! YOU'RE A LIAR!"

Nom Nom turned and jumped down from the railing, fleeing from the woman the second his paws hit the concrete.

"Nom Nom, come back here!"

She followed after him, choosing to walk instead of run, as she could see he hadn't fled too far. He had retreated to an overlook that jutted out from the rest of the concrete deck. There, a large umbrella loomed overhead, and underneath it was a replica of a tree, with sculptures of koalas clutching the branches. It was a hot spot for photo opts, and often children could be seen climbing all over it, but it was currently unoccupied, save for Nom Nom, who Holly saw was nestled between the branches of the fake tree, his back turned to her. Had the situation been less serious, it would have been a rather amusing sight, seeing a live koala sitting in the tree amongst all the lifeless koala statues.

"Nom Nom."

No answer.

Holly summoned every ounce of patience she had, fully aware of the fact that the koala was stubborn and easy to set off. "Please look at me," she begged, but still he did not turn around. Holly then maneuvered her way around the tree to where she could see him face to face. She could see his anger still lingered, but she noticed his eyes were now moist.

He shifted quickly as soon as he saw her, attempting to turn away from her like a stubborn child, but she quickly shot her hands out and grabbed his face, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Stop it," she said. "We need to talk about this."

"You're a liar," he repeated, though his tone had weakened considerably.

"What is it I lied about?"

"You said you weren't ashamed of me! But you are, aren't you? That's why you don't want me anymore! You're ashamed and you don't want to admit it!"

Holly felt like crying now. "That's not true, and you _know_ it's not true! You were my whole world! You still are!"

He stared at her for a moment before asking, "Then why don't you want me?"

The question was like a punch to Holly's gut. His tone was much quieter now, devoid of anger and expressing only despair.

"I _do_ want you, but I'm afraid you'll get in here and realize this life isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm afraid you'll eventually get bored, and then become depressed as a result. I don't want to see that happen! I couldn't bear it! I want you to be happy!" She moved her thumb to wipe the moisture from the corner of his eye. "Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Nom Nom withdrew himself from Holly's grip, sniffling. "That's exactly what he said," he said with a look of disdain.

"What who said?"

The koala sighed. "Just this guy I know. He thought it was a dumb idea."

"A friend of yours?"

Nom Nom scrunched his face in mild irritation. "I suppose," he said as he hopped down to the ground to retrieve his bag that he had dropped. After rummaging through it, he managed to locate his cellphone and quickly began looking through his gallery of photos. "Here," he mumbled irritably as he handed it up to Holly.

Taking the phone from Nom Nom, Holly held it up to eye level and immediately smiled when she saw the picture on the screen. "They're precious!" she commented. "They look like sweethearts."

Nom Nom shrugged. "They're all right, I guess."

Holly rolled her eyes, though she was still smiling. "And you obviously care about them."

"No, I don't," the koala mumbled, looking away as he crossed his arms.

"Oh, yes you do! Why would you have this photo if you didn't?"

"I meant to delete that stupid photo, okay?! I just forgot!"

"Mmmhm," Holly hummed, not believing a word. "You look pretty happy here," she pointed out as she turned the phone around to show him.

The koala's face was getting redder by the second. "I was…I was just acting! It's not real! None of that was real! They're just a bunch of dumb bears! I don't care about them!" Nom Nom knew he was trying to convince himself more than he was Holly, and he was failing pretty badly at both.

"Which one is it that you talked to about coming to live here?" Holly asked him as she pulled the phone back to look at the screen again.

"The brown one…Grizz. He's pretty persistent." Nom Nom rubbed his arm as he gazed at the ground. "He wouldn't stop calling me. I finally had to turn my phone off."

Holly glanced up again. "Why wouldn't you answer his calls?"

For a split second, the koala appeared guilty. "I just…I….I had a lot on my mind, okay? I was stressed, I was frustrated….and I just didn't want to talk to anyone. I was trying to sort everything out. I had just quit my job! I spent the first few days panicking because I thought I'd made the worst mistake of my life! I needed time to clear my head."

"I understand that, but I think you should have at least sent him a text. He was obviously worried about you and you not answering his calls didn't help."

"Whatever."

Holly turned her attention back to the phone screen and began casually cycling through the other photos in the gallery. She suddenly made a face as she came across one photo in particular. "Uh…care to explain?" she asked as she turned the screen back around for the koala to see. His eyes promptly widened when they settled on the photo he had taken of himself while he was lounging on his bed, his favorite purple robe partially opened near his chest, all while making a kissy face and winking at the camera. He had forgotten _that_ little photo shoot.

"Oh, that's just…that's…gimme that!" Nom Nom snatched the phone back from a somewhat amused Holly and quickly scrambled to delete the photo. "T-That's nothing…that's just…that's nothing." The koala looked avoided eye contact, his cheeks reddening once again.

"You really are a diva, aren't you?" the woman chuckled.

"I am _not_ a diva!"

 _Give it to me, I'm worth it! Baby I'm worth it! Uh-huh I'm worth it! Gimme gimme, I'm worth it!_

Eyes widening again, Nom Nom whipped his head back towards his ringing phone. "Really?" he hissed through gritted teeth.

 _Give it to me I'm worth it! Baby I'm worth it!_

"For crying out loud, SHUT UP!" he shouted as he scrambled to silence the phone. He clenched his teeth as he heard Holly snickering. "Stop laughing! I meant to change that stupid ring tone."

Stifling her laughter, Holly reached out to affectionately rub the top of Nom Nom's head. "Maybe I _should_ let you stay here with me. You'd certainly provide a lot of entertainment."

The koala's aggravation seemed to dissolve, and his expression quickly changed to a look of disappointment, which Holly immediately picked up on. "Yeah….entertainment," Nom Nom muttered as he stared at the ground. "Seems like that's all I've ever been good for."

Holly's smile fell into a frown very quickly. "Nom Nom, that's not-"

"No, it's okay," the koala sighed.

Holly furrowed her brows, cocking her head slightly. "Well….why would you want to live in a zoo of all places if you don't want to be a source of entertainment for people?"

"Good question," Nom Nom muttered in response as he turned and shuffled away from the woman. She watched as he approached the edge of the deck, where a large plate of glass extended from the railing to the concrete deck, providing a clear view of the koalas living within the enclosure. Placing a paw to the glass, Nom Nom leaned in slightly, his gaze focusing on a mother and her joey, which clung to her neck tightly as she ate her fill of eucalyptus leaves. He felt his chest tighten and his emotions become heavy. "What happened to my mom?" he finally asked after a long silence. He waited for Holly's response, never taking his eyes off the mother koala and her offspring. He swallowed with some difficulty as his former caretaker remained silent. "She's dead, isn't she?"

"Yes," came Holly's hesitant reply.

Nom Nom nodded slowly. "I don't remember her."

"Well, you wouldn't have. You were only eight months old when she died, which was still pretty young for a joey to lose its mother, though not so young that you couldn't get by. By then, you had already weened yourself off her milk and were starting to eat eucalyptus leaves, so that was one thing we didn't have to worry about, but there was still the psychological impact it would have. I really had to step up my responsibility as caretaker and try to fill that void." Holly pushed herself off the tree and made her way over to where Nom Nom was standing, lowering herself to the ground beside him. "I knew I could never replace her, but I wanted to be as close to a mother figure as I could," she continued, prompting Nom Nom to finally look up at her. "You became pretty attached to me in the wake of her absence. Everywhere I went, you were always hopping along after me, right on my heels." Holly paused for a moment and smiled. "You were a mess."

"I was an angel!" the koala retorted.

"You were a _terror_!" Holly laughed. "And the most jealous little thing I had ever seen! Oh, you couldn't stand it if I even paid one second of attention to any of the other animals. No, you had to be the center of attention all the time. If I stopped fawning over you for even a minute, you'd follow my every step and climb all over me. You'd latch onto my leg or climb onto my shoulder and chew on my hair. You even tried getting physical with the other koalas if I showed them any affection. I remember one day when I was playing with one of the older joeys, and you came out of nowhere and tried to run him off."

Holly noticed a smirk tugging at the corner of Nom Nom's mouth. "Don't look so smug," she said. "He took a pretty nasty bite out of your ear."

"He did?"

Holly nodded. "In fact…" She leaned down to gently part the fur on his ear. "Yep…you still have a little scar right here where he bit you."

"I…I can't believe I don't remember," the koala replied as he reached up to fondle his ear.

"You were something else, but I loved you more than anything."

Nom Nom was unable to suppress a warm smile as he gazed back out over the enclosure, though it faded rather quickly. He sighed, looking back up at his caretaker pleadingly. "Can't I just stay here with you?" he begged.

Holly's expression softened and she sighed, patting her lap. "Come here."

Nom Nom did not hesitate as he shuffled his way over to her, climbing into her lap and curling up against her, resting his face against her stomach. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms circle around him, feeling safe and secure. It was a feeling he had missed greatly.

"Listen…I know what you're feeling right now," Holly began gently as she stroked the top of his head. "You're afraid of the future, so now you're trying to live in the past, but you're completely overlooking the present…what you have _now."_ Holly reached down to scoop up Nom Nom's cellphone, which he had placed on the ground. "Them," she said as she showed him the photo he just could never bring himself to delete.

"They don't want me," Nom Nom mumbled as he turned his gaze away from the photo, laying his cheek against Holly's stomach. "They hate me…I know it."

"Grizz doesn't seem to hate you."

"Yeah, well…he's too forgiving…and dumb."

"He cares about you, and it's my guess that you care about him, too, even if you don't want to admit it." Holly smirked as she heard the koala grumble. "You _are_ worth so much more than just a form of entertainment, and it's clear he sees you for more than that as well. He doesn't care about all that. He doesn't care if you're famous or not. Why else would he go this far for you?"

Holly heard him heave an aggravated sigh. "This life isn't for you," she continued as she gestured to the enclosure behind her. "You already have something so much better than this." She slipped a finger under Nom Nom's chin and forced him to look up at her, though he was trying to look elsewhere, all while fighting back tears. "Look at me," she demanded gently, and he reluctantly looked her in the eye. "You're my baby….and you'll always be my baby. That'll never change, no matter where you go. No one could _ever_ replace you."

Nom Nom sighed again, pressing his face into Holly's stomach. "I'm tired of feeling like I don't know where I'm going."

"You won't always feel that way," Holly replied as she scratched behind his ear. "You've made a huge change in your life, which is always overwhelming at first, but you should always move forward, not backward. It seems hard now, but you're going to be just fine."

The koala bit his lip as he mulled over her words. "I just…I don't know what else to _do!_ This is all I've ever done. I don't know how to do anything else! And...I just…I missed you." Nom Nom pulled away from Holly's arms, straightening up in her lap in order to look her in the eye. "I feel helpless, okay?! I fully admit it! I don't know what to do with my life, and now I'm running home to Mama like a frightened little child! There…I said it." Nom Nom hung his head slightly, his shoulders slumping as his eyes welled with more tears.

Holly chuckled softly as she reached up to take his face in her hands again.

"It's not funny," the koala grumbled, fighting the tears the best he could.

"I'm not laughing at you, baby," the woman reassured. "It's okay to be scared. Look, you can always come to me if you need to talk. I'm not casting you out of my life forever, okay?" Brushing away Nom Nom's tears, Holly hoisted him up and turned him around, pulling him close to her chest as she reached for his phone again. "You'll always have me," she added as she held the phone up, preparing to snap a photo, which prompted Nom Nom to force a weak smile. "But like I said, you have something much better now," she said as she took the shot. She then managed to find her way to Nom Nom's contacts and quickly programmed her number into his phone. "If you need to talk…don't hesitate to call me." She smiled, handing the phone back to Nom Nom, who opened the photo gallery to look at his newest photo. After a brief silence, he looked her way again, appearing curious.

"Do you…still have that video? The first one you posted on the internet?"

Holly's smile widened a bit as she reached down to her waist to pluck her phone from the holster attached to her belt. After pulling up the video, she held the phone out to where Nom Nom could see it clearly. "I could never get rid of it," she said.

Nom Nom held his breath for a moment as the video emerged on the screen. It was somewhat wobbly at first, and the only thing he could see was a shaky view of the ground, but within just a few seconds, an image of a small koala joey came into view.

 _"What are you doing?"_ a female voice asked playfully as the camera moved closer to the sitting animal. The small joey turned its head to look back at her before suddenly taking off on all fours, hopping across the ground. Nom Nom could hear Holly giggle as she followed him, mumbling, _"You little jumping bean."_ The camera drew closer to the koala joey as he leapt onto a tree and shimmied his way up, stopping about halfway before turning his head to look directly into the camera. _"Are you my good boy?"_ Holly cooed. _"Are you?"_ A hand suddenly came into view to tickle the young Nom Nom under the chin. _"Are you my good boy?"_

The koala joey stretched his head outward, his nose lightly bumping the phone screen. Pulling back slightly, the joey let out a tiny squeak, which earned more giggles from his caretaker.

 _"Was that a 'yes'?"_ she asked. As she edged closer, the tiny marsupial reached outward and latched onto her chest before climbing up towards her shoulder. Holly pointed the camera towards herself and the koala joey now perched beside her head. _"Say hi!"_ she said cheerfully as she drew the phone closer to herself and her charge. The young Nom Nom turned his attention towards Holly's head before immediately digging at her scalp and nibbling on strands of her hair. _"You silly goose!"_ she laughed as she attempted to pull her head away. _"What is your fascination with my hair?"_

Ruffling the youngster's fur, Holly smiled widely as she turned to look back into the camera. " _This is Nom Nom. He's our youngest joey here at the San Diego Zoo, and…"_ Holly sighed as she felt the joey nibbling on her hair again, _"…right now he thinks my hair is eucalyptus."_ She paused to roll her eyes. _"He's every bit as mischievous as he looks. Aren't you?"_ she added teasingly as she turned to look at the tiny animal perched on her shoulder. As he drew his face closer to hers, Holly seized the opportunity and planted a quick kiss on his nose. _"You want people to come see you, right? You'd like that, wouldn't you?"_ The woman smiled as she turned to look back into the camera. _"How can you say no to that face?"_

"They couldn't," Nom Nom heard Holly murmur softly into his ear as she leaned down to rest her cheek against his. "From that day forward the whole world fell in love with you."

As the video finally came to an end, Nom Nom exhaled and settled back into Holly's arms. He closed his eyes as he felt her hand rest atop his head.

"But now it's time for you to stop living for others…and start living for yourself." She turned her head to kiss his cheek. "I love you. Now go start a new life."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Well…it's been a while, hasn't it? I'm afraid I don't have an excuse. I found myself constantly losing my inspiration to keep writing this story. I know I said this would be the final part but once again, plans have changed. This chapter was just getting so ridiculously long and I just felt like I was squeezing too much into one chapter, much like the last, so I decided to end it here. Part 4 WILL be the last part, I promise, and I'm hoping it won't be nearly as long as this one.

Now then…a little background about this chapter. Holly's character and her relationship with Nom Nom was actually a plot idea I came up with months ago, back when I was still writing Gone Astray. At the time I was really in love with the idea but couldn't really figure out how I wanted to develop it into an actual story. Ultimately, I just stuck a pin in the idea and decided to wait until I had a good opportunity to write it. I hadn't originally planned on using the idea in this story. This story was originally supposed to end at the first chapter, but I realized that this was a good opportunity to work Holly's character into this story. And I just really loved this idea for NN's backstory and have kind of accepted it as head canon…at least until the Nom Nom family episode comes out and shoots it full of holes lol.

Again, my apologies for the long wait! I hope it was worth it! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!


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